[ dorothy's blinking back at him, eyes wide, because - he's in color in a grey world, too. he's still beautiful and handsome and she doesn't want to think about that, not when he leaves like everyone else and worse. it's hard not to, when he's the best thing in the entire room. the entire world, right now. ]
I think my vision is returning to normal. You look...
[ Probably for the best if he doesn't finish that sentence. He moves over to the window and looks out - there are people passing by but they're grey too, like everything else. ]
...It's just you. [ He turns back to look at her and this seems cruel somehow. To make the person he can't stare at that way anymore in color. And the thing is, when those colors are stripped away from you, all you want to do is look...
What did Dorothy come over to talk to him about again? Belinda or somebody??? ]
[ he looks at her like that, starts a sentence like that, and dorothy's heart skips a beat. she thinks she must look at him the same way and it's probably a good thing he turns away because - he leaves. he chooses glinda over her. he tries to kill her.
she can still feel his hands around her neck, but more and more, it feels like that was someone else, a lifetime ago. she can't forget, but it's getting harder to connect it to lucas. to the man who looks at her like this. ]
[ it slips out before she has a chance to consider whether she should say as much. she doesn't wish he was black and white and greyscale like everything else. she's glad to see colour. she's —glad that it's him. ]
[ even after everything, seeing him smile still makes her her want to smile back, still makes something in her chest flutter. ]
Yeah.
[ she forces herself to look away. he chooses glinda. he tries to kill her. it's getting harder to remember that even if she thinks she'd still instinctively recoil if he raised his hands to her throat. ] Me too.
[ the admission costs her. the follow-up does, too: ]
Yes, Glinda... Tell me what you know about her. [ He leans against the nearest doorway, having no idea of the bombshell that's about to be dropped his way. ]
[ dorothy crosses her arms in front of her chest. ]
She's one of the cardinal witches. The witch of the North. She runs an orphanage and you'd think that's really nice, but she's raising the little girls to be soldiers in a war against the Wizard.
[ she looks away from lucas for the next part. ]
You're her husband. You were transporting girls for her when you were attacked. Before I found you on the cross. It was her spell that made you lose your memories. To protect her secrets.
But she was willing to let me die for her secrets. [ Maybe this isn't fair, maybe he should be hearing Glinda's side of the story, but she's not here and Dorothy is hardly painting a good picture of her. ] To die alone not knowing anything or anyone.
[ What a lonely death that would have been, until Dorothy showed up. ]
[ He watches her move to the window, wanting to follow her but staying where he is, no longer leaning his body against the doorway but his hand gripping it for support. ]
Perhaps Roan feels a certain loyalty towards her. [ Roan, he says, as though he's completely separate from himself. ]
[ that's a yes, but she doesn't want to have to say it. the words come out harsher than she'd intended. she had chosen him, hadn't she? sure, she'd almost left - but she would have taken lucas and sylvie with her to kansas. she would have stayed with them, just not in oz. ]
[ He's trying to make sense of things here. He's trying to understand why he'd turn his back on her and take refuge in another woman's arms who he isn't happy with. ]
This changes nothing about my decision to stay here permanently. [ If anything, it's another reason not to go back. ]
[ it matters to him. she gets that - but at the same time, he's making her admit that she chose him even though he didn't choose her. it's like being a little girl whose mother gave her away all over again.
she clenches her jaw. ]
I was going to take you and Sylvie to Kansas with me. [ she says. turns. pats her thigh so toto knows to walk with her, and moves toward the exit. she can't stay here after that admission. ]
she takes a step back, mustering lucas. ] Let me out.
[ she's not scared of him right now. she's too angry, too mortified, too hurt. all of those things. she's not scared he'll wrap his hands around her throat again. maybe lucas and roan are the same man, but this is decidedly lucas, not roan. ]
I'd take her back to a world where she isn't going to end up fighting a war. Dying for Glinda.
[ it's not like there aren't guns in oz, now - but that's dorothy's fault, isn't it? she doesn't answer his last question. what would she say? "i don't need you?" or "i'm not exactly in kansas anymore"? neither are good options. ]
[ she doesn't yell, but dorothy's voice is definitely raised. he's not wrong: she runs when she's scared. when someone gets close enough that their leaving could hurt her. it's easier to be the first to leave instead.
she'd tried that and sylvie hadn't let her. lucas had offered her a better way and she'd taken it. she hadn't run - and he'd chosen glinda.
but at the rest of his words, the fight that had been brewing goes out of her again. ]
I don't want you to die for me. [ for anyone.
she could tell him - again - that he tries to kill her. that he chose glinda and it went so far that he almost killed her. ] One of the last things you said to me was you wished I'd never happened to you. [ is what comes out instead. bitter. ]
[ But he can't ask her to separate the two. Maybe there's no way of doing it. Maybe they'll be always be connected, one not being able to live without the other.
His heart breaks as the last of what she says. ]
I don't know why I'd say that... That's the last thing I'd think about saying to you. I'm a better person because of you.
[ dorothy shrugs, the gesture ending with her shoulders curled inward a little protectively. she can face down monsters no problem, but this? this scares her. how much she wants to believe him. how much it hurt to lose him.
and forever that little voice in her head telling her that there must be something wrong with her, that she must be unlovable if even her mother gave her up. ]
I'm not a good person. I put you back on a cross. [ by her side, toto whines quietly. ]
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Yeah. [ it comes out soft. a little wondering. ]
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[ Probably for the best if he doesn't finish that sentence. He moves over to the window and looks out - there are people passing by but they're grey too, like everything else. ]
...It's just you. [ He turns back to look at her and this seems cruel somehow. To make the person he can't stare at that way anymore in color. And the thing is, when those colors are stripped away from you, all you want to do is look...
What did Dorothy come over to talk to him about again? Belinda or somebody??? ]
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she can still feel his hands around her neck, but more and more, it feels like that was someone else, a lifetime ago. she can't forget, but it's getting harder to connect it to lucas. to the man who looks at her like this. ]
No weird poison should be able to do that.
[ magic? ]
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[ He moves closer to her, as distracting as she is right now. ]
Do I look normal to you? [ Or was it just him? Something about her face says they're experiencing the same thing. ]
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[ normal. does he look normal? he looks amazing and it's wonderful and terrible. she wants to touch him and she wants to turn on her heels and run. ]
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Do you wish I wasn't?
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No.
[ it slips out before she has a chance to consider whether she should say as much. she doesn't wish he was black and white and greyscale like everything else. she's glad to see colour. she's —glad that it's him. ]
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It's good to hear your voice, Dorothy... I was afraid I might forget what it sounded like.
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Yeah.
[ she forces herself to look away. he chooses glinda. he tries to kill her. it's getting harder to remember that even if she thinks she'd still instinctively recoil if he raised his hands to her throat. ] Me too.
[ the admission costs her. the follow-up does, too: ]
So, Glinda.
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She's one of the cardinal witches. The witch of the North. She runs an orphanage and you'd think that's really nice, but she's raising the little girls to be soldiers in a war against the Wizard.
[ she looks away from lucas for the next part. ]
You're her husband. You were transporting girls for her when you were attacked. Before I found you on the cross. It was her spell that made you lose your memories. To protect her secrets.
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She's my wife.
[ And he thought figuring out his feelings for Dorothy while knowing what he'd do to her in the future was hard enough. But he has a wife. ]
Why didn't she come for me? [ He was dying on that cross. ]
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I don't know.
We end up going to her, eventually. She restores your memories.
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[ What a lonely death that would have been, until Dorothy showed up. ]
Do I seem happy? Once I'm... reunited with her.
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[ dorothy hates this. she swallows, turning away to walk to a window, to look outside. ]
But you still keep choosing her. I asked you to leave. You chose her.
[ that still hurts. ]
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Perhaps Roan feels a certain loyalty towards her. [ Roan, he says, as though he's completely separate from himself. ]
Did you choose me?
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[ that's a yes, but she doesn't want to have to say it. the words come out harsher than she'd intended. she had chosen him, hadn't she? sure, she'd almost left - but she would have taken lucas and sylvie with her to kansas. she would have stayed with them, just not in oz. ]
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[ He's trying to make sense of things here. He's trying to understand why he'd turn his back on her and take refuge in another woman's arms who he isn't happy with. ]
This changes nothing about my decision to stay here permanently. [ If anything, it's another reason not to go back. ]
#dramatic
she clenches her jaw. ]
I was going to take you and Sylvie to Kansas with me. [ she says. turns. pats her thigh so toto knows to walk with her, and moves toward the exit. she can't stay here after that admission. ]
the most dramatic ship
You'd take that girl back to a world with guns?
[ As for taking Lucas... ]
You already have one Lucas. [ Her hometown. ] Why would you need another?
so dramatic (i love them)
she takes a step back, mustering lucas. ] Let me out.
[ she's not scared of him right now. she's too angry, too mortified, too hurt. all of those things. she's not scared he'll wrap his hands around her throat again. maybe lucas and roan are the same man, but this is decidedly lucas, not roan. ]
I'd take her back to a world where she isn't going to end up fighting a war. Dying for Glinda.
[ it's not like there aren't guns in oz, now - but that's dorothy's fault, isn't it? she doesn't answer his last question. what would she say? "i don't need you?" or "i'm not exactly in kansas anymore"? neither are good options. ]
♥
[ They haven't known each other for long but he seems to know what she's guilty of doing when she's scared. ]
Do you think that was planned for me too? To fight the war? To die for Glinda?
[ Somewhat softer: ] I'd die for you. Not her. [ He doesn't know her, not the way he knows Dorothy. ]
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[ she doesn't yell, but dorothy's voice is definitely raised. he's not wrong: she runs when she's scared. when someone gets close enough that their leaving could hurt her. it's easier to be the first to leave instead.
she'd tried that and sylvie hadn't let her. lucas had offered her a better way and she'd taken it. she hadn't run - and he'd chosen glinda.
but at the rest of his words, the fight that had been brewing goes out of her again. ]
I don't want you to die for me. [ for anyone.
she could tell him - again - that he tries to kill her. that he chose glinda and it went so far that he almost killed her. ] One of the last things you said to me was you wished I'd never happened to you. [ is what comes out instead. bitter. ]
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[ But he can't ask her to separate the two. Maybe there's no way of doing it. Maybe they'll be always be connected, one not being able to live without the other.
His heart breaks as the last of what she says. ]
I don't know why I'd say that... That's the last thing I'd think about saying to you. I'm a better person because of you.
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and forever that little voice in her head telling her that there must be something wrong with her, that she must be unlovable if even her mother gave her up. ]
I'm not a good person. I put you back on a cross. [ by her side, toto whines quietly. ]
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