But she was willing to let me die for her secrets. [ Maybe this isn't fair, maybe he should be hearing Glinda's side of the story, but she's not here and Dorothy is hardly painting a good picture of her. ] To die alone not knowing anything or anyone.
[ What a lonely death that would have been, until Dorothy showed up. ]
[ He watches her move to the window, wanting to follow her but staying where he is, no longer leaning his body against the doorway but his hand gripping it for support. ]
Perhaps Roan feels a certain loyalty towards her. [ Roan, he says, as though he's completely separate from himself. ]
[ that's a yes, but she doesn't want to have to say it. the words come out harsher than she'd intended. she had chosen him, hadn't she? sure, she'd almost left - but she would have taken lucas and sylvie with her to kansas. she would have stayed with them, just not in oz. ]
[ He's trying to make sense of things here. He's trying to understand why he'd turn his back on her and take refuge in another woman's arms who he isn't happy with. ]
This changes nothing about my decision to stay here permanently. [ If anything, it's another reason not to go back. ]
[ it matters to him. she gets that - but at the same time, he's making her admit that she chose him even though he didn't choose her. it's like being a little girl whose mother gave her away all over again.
she clenches her jaw. ]
I was going to take you and Sylvie to Kansas with me. [ she says. turns. pats her thigh so toto knows to walk with her, and moves toward the exit. she can't stay here after that admission. ]
she takes a step back, mustering lucas. ] Let me out.
[ she's not scared of him right now. she's too angry, too mortified, too hurt. all of those things. she's not scared he'll wrap his hands around her throat again. maybe lucas and roan are the same man, but this is decidedly lucas, not roan. ]
I'd take her back to a world where she isn't going to end up fighting a war. Dying for Glinda.
[ it's not like there aren't guns in oz, now - but that's dorothy's fault, isn't it? she doesn't answer his last question. what would she say? "i don't need you?" or "i'm not exactly in kansas anymore"? neither are good options. ]
[ she doesn't yell, but dorothy's voice is definitely raised. he's not wrong: she runs when she's scared. when someone gets close enough that their leaving could hurt her. it's easier to be the first to leave instead.
she'd tried that and sylvie hadn't let her. lucas had offered her a better way and she'd taken it. she hadn't run - and he'd chosen glinda.
but at the rest of his words, the fight that had been brewing goes out of her again. ]
I don't want you to die for me. [ for anyone.
she could tell him - again - that he tries to kill her. that he chose glinda and it went so far that he almost killed her. ] One of the last things you said to me was you wished I'd never happened to you. [ is what comes out instead. bitter. ]
[ But he can't ask her to separate the two. Maybe there's no way of doing it. Maybe they'll be always be connected, one not being able to live without the other.
His heart breaks as the last of what she says. ]
I don't know why I'd say that... That's the last thing I'd think about saying to you. I'm a better person because of you.
[ dorothy shrugs, the gesture ending with her shoulders curled inward a little protectively. she can face down monsters no problem, but this? this scares her. how much she wants to believe him. how much it hurt to lose him.
and forever that little voice in her head telling her that there must be something wrong with her, that she must be unlovable if even her mother gave her up. ]
I'm not a good person. I put you back on a cross. [ by her side, toto whines quietly. ]
[ maybe it's why she's selfish or conflicted, but not good.
he takes his hand away so she could open the door and leave. for a moment, she doesn't. for a moment, she stays right where she is, not quite looking at lucas but entirely aware of his proximity and of the colours of him. ]
[ just his name. meant as a warning, but it comes out a little awkward instead. almost embarrassed. touched, too, even though she doesn't want to be. ]
[ Ah, so he still has that effect on her, then. He'd feel guiltier about this conversation in terms of his wife if it wasn't for the fact that he felt like she was married to a completely different person separate from him. ]
Dorothy... If Glinda showed up here, I promise you, I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. [ By choosing her. ] Wife or not, I'm loyal to you.
[ he very much still has that effect on her, despite everything. even the memory of his hands around her neck and how terrified she'd been doesn't really do much to lessen the effect. not when he looks at her like that.
but - ]
You don't know that. One kiss, and you'd remember being Roan again.
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I don't know.
We end up going to her, eventually. She restores your memories.
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[ What a lonely death that would have been, until Dorothy showed up. ]
Do I seem happy? Once I'm... reunited with her.
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[ dorothy hates this. she swallows, turning away to walk to a window, to look outside. ]
But you still keep choosing her. I asked you to leave. You chose her.
[ that still hurts. ]
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Perhaps Roan feels a certain loyalty towards her. [ Roan, he says, as though he's completely separate from himself. ]
Did you choose me?
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[ that's a yes, but she doesn't want to have to say it. the words come out harsher than she'd intended. she had chosen him, hadn't she? sure, she'd almost left - but she would have taken lucas and sylvie with her to kansas. she would have stayed with them, just not in oz. ]
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[ He's trying to make sense of things here. He's trying to understand why he'd turn his back on her and take refuge in another woman's arms who he isn't happy with. ]
This changes nothing about my decision to stay here permanently. [ If anything, it's another reason not to go back. ]
#dramatic
she clenches her jaw. ]
I was going to take you and Sylvie to Kansas with me. [ she says. turns. pats her thigh so toto knows to walk with her, and moves toward the exit. she can't stay here after that admission. ]
the most dramatic ship
You'd take that girl back to a world with guns?
[ As for taking Lucas... ]
You already have one Lucas. [ Her hometown. ] Why would you need another?
so dramatic (i love them)
she takes a step back, mustering lucas. ] Let me out.
[ she's not scared of him right now. she's too angry, too mortified, too hurt. all of those things. she's not scared he'll wrap his hands around her throat again. maybe lucas and roan are the same man, but this is decidedly lucas, not roan. ]
I'd take her back to a world where she isn't going to end up fighting a war. Dying for Glinda.
[ it's not like there aren't guns in oz, now - but that's dorothy's fault, isn't it? she doesn't answer his last question. what would she say? "i don't need you?" or "i'm not exactly in kansas anymore"? neither are good options. ]
♥
[ They haven't known each other for long but he seems to know what she's guilty of doing when she's scared. ]
Do you think that was planned for me too? To fight the war? To die for Glinda?
[ Somewhat softer: ] I'd die for you. Not her. [ He doesn't know her, not the way he knows Dorothy. ]
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[ she doesn't yell, but dorothy's voice is definitely raised. he's not wrong: she runs when she's scared. when someone gets close enough that their leaving could hurt her. it's easier to be the first to leave instead.
she'd tried that and sylvie hadn't let her. lucas had offered her a better way and she'd taken it. she hadn't run - and he'd chosen glinda.
but at the rest of his words, the fight that had been brewing goes out of her again. ]
I don't want you to die for me. [ for anyone.
she could tell him - again - that he tries to kill her. that he chose glinda and it went so far that he almost killed her. ] One of the last things you said to me was you wished I'd never happened to you. [ is what comes out instead. bitter. ]
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[ But he can't ask her to separate the two. Maybe there's no way of doing it. Maybe they'll be always be connected, one not being able to live without the other.
His heart breaks as the last of what she says. ]
I don't know why I'd say that... That's the last thing I'd think about saying to you. I'm a better person because of you.
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and forever that little voice in her head telling her that there must be something wrong with her, that she must be unlovable if even her mother gave her up. ]
I'm not a good person. I put you back on a cross. [ by her side, toto whines quietly. ]
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From what you've told me, I belong on a cross more than I do in your world.
[ After a moment: ] Once that prison is built... Maybe it would be best I turn myself in.
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I don't want you to.
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And that is why you're a good person.
[ He takes his hand away from the door, allowing her to open it and leave like she wanted to. ]
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[ maybe it's why she's selfish or conflicted, but not good.
he takes his hand away so she could open the door and leave. for a moment, she doesn't. for a moment, she stays right where she is, not quite looking at lucas but entirely aware of his proximity and of the colours of him. ]
You know, you don't need to protect me.
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You saved my life. It's the least I can do.
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[ she crosses her arms. ]
Don't tell me you're not having trouble getting used to all this.
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[ Probably not what she meant, but there we go. ]
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Lucas -
[ just his name. meant as a warning, but it comes out a little awkward instead. almost embarrassed. touched, too, even though she doesn't want to be. ]
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Dorothy... If Glinda showed up here, I promise you, I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. [ By choosing her. ] Wife or not, I'm loyal to you.
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but - ]
You don't know that. One kiss, and you'd remember being Roan again.
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She'd have to kill me before I let her do that.
[ It's funny because he was so desperate to know himself, but now... He'd do whatever it takes to erase everything. ]
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[ seeking refuge in sarcasm. so either she'll lose him to glinda or she'll lose him to death. ]
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